day 30: the nothing

There’s a pain in my right eye.
It’s been getting worse.
It could be nothing. Or.

When I was a kid, reading stolen chapters under covers
flashlight tucked under my chin or gripped between teeth,
keeping quiet when I heard my father climbing the stairs,
holding my breath as he switched off the hallway light.

Were such things here as we do speak about,
or have we eaten on the insane root that takes reason prisoner?

I click into WebMD. Where is the pain? I click head, then eye.
Add Common Symptoms (2). Eye hurts and eye pain.
It’s enough for a FAIR match. (5) Fair Matches.
Sty, Dry Eye, Acute Sinusitis, Pink Eye, Chronic Sinusitis.

What is left out: the pain gets worse at night, the flares around streetlights warping
even when I wear contacts.
After I weep, my eyes are drier than they’ve ever felt and stick under my lids.
I stare into nothing and the pain sharpens down to a point, until I can’t keep my eye open any longer.

Out vile jelly! Where is thy lustre now?
All dark and comfortless.

These days, scrolling stolen chapters under covers
iPhone gripped tightly in my sweaty blanket fort hand,
keeping quiet when I hear my mother climbing the stairs,
holding my breath as she pauses outside my bedroom door.

And the pain in my right eye gets worse.
It could be nothing.


***I wrote this about three weeks ago. Got diagnosed with an eye infection this week lol we are slowly healing.