day 5: (1) Inbox

This is how I let things fall by the wayside: I click into messages, then back out.
I swipe left, I mark as Unread, and I never return to respond.
I’m Sorry is not a big enough phrase for how I feel about these pushpin relationships.
I’m Busy I’m Lonely I’m Overwhelmed I Forgot, the litany of excuses I scroll through like a postmodern rolodex of Instagram feeds and Tumblr threads and iPhone messages.
None of it is true, and none of it is big enough.
Someone told me once that human beings are meant to sustain a maximum of 50 well cared for relationships at any given time. I don’t know when my Facebook Friend List went over 1k - have I even met 1k people in my life?
When I hover through the minefield of bolded, unanswered messages from friends and acquaintances, I sometimes wonder about that number: 50. Am I meant to include myself in it? If my dance card is full up and I’m jumping from arm to arm, is it as if they’re dancing with mist
With a shadow
With my ghost
With my Facebook Profile Picture, on a smiling happy day where I felt…
It’s okay if you never answer my email. Or my message. or my text.
If my letters disappear down the crack between your bed and your wall.
Gone by the way of the wayside: I understand.
I am there too.